720 Days Till

HighSchool takes up 720 days of our lives. 720 days of sitting at desks with people we probably won’t ever talk outside of the class room. 720 days of waking up 6:00 trying to make ourselfs look presentable occasionally but most days throwing on leggings and a hoodie and looking in the mirroir and say “Screw It”. 720 days seems like a long time. You can meet your best friends that might stay life long friends, or friends you lose at the end of the month. You can make insane memories that one day you’ll end up telling your kids. You’ll be people who will ruin your happines simple because they dont like you even though they have no idea who you are underneath the clothes and makeup and outside of your friend group. You can establish who you are and what kind of person you want (or may not) want to be. You can be the popular girl with countless “friends” or the less popular girl with 3-5 friends that mean the absloute world to you. 720 dys is a lot of time to fit in as may heart breaks a possible. You’ll meet people who want your you for looks or you could meet the love of your life. You have more than enough time to find out who you love, maybe even more than once. You have time to make mistakes, because mistakes make the best stories and lessons. There’s times for late night blasting music as loud as you can on the highway with an over packed car going 80 and having no idea where you’re going, just because you can. Times to get stressed and overwhelmed and cry. You’ll probably cry more within 720 days than you will ever again. You can go out and party or you can stay at home by yourself on a friday night and do next weeks homework.

You can experience being drunk for the first time off of cheap vodka by yourself on a late Friday night in your room. You can sneak out and have butterflies in your stomach about being caught. 720 days to fit so much of life in. So many important milestones, in what seems life forever. But then one day everyone blinks and it’s gone. You’re not 16 anymore. You’re walking across a graduation stae looking at the people you’ve surrounded yourself with for 720 days, and you probably still don’t know half of thir names. The teacher you loved is congratulating on making it out alive. You cone to realize that no, it’s not like the movies. Its so much more but so much less. It’s all ver so fast, and so suddenly your first day of freshman year feels like it was last week. It feels like 6 days ago you got your license. 5 days ago you thought your friends would stick with you. 4 days ago you got so drunk you lay in your bed thiking how life was so much better when you can forget everythig. 3 days ago you were driving down back roads waking up neighbors with a packed car. 2 days ago you went to prom with your friends. Yesterday, you sat alone and cried about how it was all over. Today. you blinked and tomorrow it’s just going to be all memories.

Bucket List For When I Graduate

  1. Want to study and start out as a working CNA (certified nursing assistants) and when I become more comfortable I will continue my CEU (Continuing education units) and hopefully become a Nurse or a Registered Nurse.
  2. I want to get an apartment or a house preferably a house by the end of my Senior Year, along with a car and a good stable job that pays well. As well as my drivers license.
  3. By the age of 18-20, I’m looking towards fostering kiddos, I’m really exited about that!
  4. Want to donate my eggs. I want to give them to a family in need, and or a family having trouble having conceiving.
  5. Want to travel to Sydney, Australia and stay there for a week or two. While being their I want to Visit Bondi Beach.
  6. Want to adopt another kitten so my cat has a buddy to hang out with.
  7. Wanna try and eat more healthy, maybe possibly join the gym.
  8. Wanting to write a book looking back on my high school experience.
  9. Want to spend 3 days in New York City
  10. I want to be proud of who I’m becoming;)

Grandma πŸ’œ 1931-2012 July 17 1931- March 13 2012

Someone new has entered our eternal home above. The Heavenly gate has opened wide, to welcome the one I love. We cannot help the tears that fall when earthly life has ended and a loved one has to leave. Yet, even in the saddest time we know our Savior lives and we can trust completely in the promise that He gives. Someday, in a glad reunion with the lord, our loved ones await, to welcome us with joy and no more tears beyond the gate.

The moment that you died my heart was torn in two, one side filled with heartache, the other died with you. I often lie awake at night, when the world is fast asleep, and take a walk down memory lane, with tears upon my cheeks.

Remembering you is easy I do it everyday, but missing you is a heartache that never goes away. I hold you tightly within my heart and there you will remain. Until the joyous day arrives that we will meet again.

A light from our family is gone. A voice we loved is stilled. A place is vacant in the home. Which never can be filled. We have to mourn the loss of one, We would’ve loved to keep. But God who surely loved her best has finally made her sleep. After a lifetime of her love and joy and music to our ears. God leaves the wondrous memories to help us through our tears.

I miss you when something good happens, because you’re the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, you’re the one that understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry, because I know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but i miss you the most when I lay awake at night, and think of all the wonderful times that we spent with each other for those were some of the best and most memorable times of my life.

The day you took your last breath was the day my world went dark.

The relief of coming home

Dear Readers,

I share the common distaste for school that most teenagers do so when it’s time to go home I rejoice as if it’s the best thing in the word.

Throughout the day I am consistently reminded of my insecurities, my inabilities, and how much failure one person can make. School should be a safe haven but instead is a dreaded place.

I know many students feel as I do, but will our voices every be truly heard? I hope so because if not then we will never mature into the genuinely kind, loving, and compassionate human beings we’re designed to be.

So when the bell does ring, I run. Run from the people. Run from my racing thoughts. And run from all the stress. I pray. I rest. And I celebrate.

One of the first things I do when I get home is pray because all throughout the day I hear lies about myself and I criticize my every action. It’s important for me to center myself and know the truth, I am a child of God, he saved me from my sins, and he loves me with all his being. This is what helps bring me back to a mentality that is healthy and will get me through another painstaking day.

I then take time to just relax, which is a luxury I know most students can’t afford but I do regardless. This includes either watching a little bit of tv, reading a book, taking a nap while my essential oil diffuser runs causing a sweet lavender scent to fill my room, or just talking to my family and enjoying the time I share with them.

After all the restorative time I spend centering myself I have to focus on the importance of school. Homework is very important and I know it’s a drag to have to complete every single night but it essential to our growth and development. Sitting down and attending to that every night helps you learn and I know it’s a really hard thing to do sometimes but it’ll definitely help us in the long run.

I have bad school days but I believe the important thing is making it a overall good day and not focusing on the stresses of everyday life. Focus on your wellbeing and seek guidance if needed because we live in a world where we feel alone but are surrounded by kind and generous people.

Make your going and coming to school a good thing. Rejoice in the education that school has provided us with and rejoice in the rest God gives us afterwards.

Mark 6:31

β€œCome with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”

Sincerely,

The Optimistic Freak

God

I am so thankful for who you are. You are a God of love and peace and mercy. When I think about the cross and meditate on its meaning and power, I am overwhelmed with emotion because I am thankful that I understand it fully. The Cross symbolizes the most radical form of love. Jesus, dying a horrible death so that I might live for him and be close to you. There is always that option, for it is embedded in the meaning of love, and i think that makes me even more thankful because he died knowing that I might never love him back, and that is the most beautiful form of love. When Jesus gazed up to the sky as they were mocking him and he was in the most agonizing pain he asked you to “Forgive them for they do not know what they do”. Wow! Has anybody on earth shown a greater love than that? This love is so radical, and it makes me have hope, not only for me but for others, because I know that this love can reach even the darkest of hearts, the darkest of evils and can ever so gently forgive the sin of this world. God’s love is so powerful and I am thankful everyday that I have the ability to understand it and live it. I pray that this love can help reach more people throughout the earth.

Until Then.

One day you’ll be taking your last school test and you’ll have your last fire drill and report care. One day you’ll have your last young and wild Friday nights with the people you’ve made a million memories with. zone day you’ll close your locker and walk out of those doors for the last time. One day you’ll be standing in an alphabetically ordered line in a cap and gown with the people who you watched grow up. A lot of these people you’ll never see or hear of again. One day you’ll forget about all the people you knew and you’ll barley remember the memories until you find a picture that reminds you of one. One day you’ll be packing up 18 years of your life into boxes and hugging your parent(s) good-bye. One day you wont be in high school anymore its sad. And were already to leave so soon.

Someone once told me to always live for the little things in life. Live for the 5 am Sunrises and 5 pm sunsets. Where you’ll always see colors in the sky that don’t usually belong. Live for Road trips and bike rides with music in your ears and the wind in your hair. Live for days when you are surrounded by your favorite people who make you realize that the world is not a cold harsh place. Live for the little things because they will make you realize that this is what life is about, this is what it means to be alive.

Life is too short to hang out with people that make you feel anything less than jubilant. If someone does something that makes you feel uncomfortable, tell them. If they continue to do it, leave. Leaving people is not a crime. We spend so much time trying to change people, or wishing they would change themselves. The truth of the matter is we should stop hoping and go running in a different direction. The people we are dying to meet and be with are us. We spend so much time trying make someone turn into someone else that we forget there and 7 billion people in the world and there is 1 exactly like the person we are trying to make. People aren’t play dough, they are who they are and that’s how they’ll always be. Leave.Run. You will always find the person you’re searching for.

With all this being said here’s a letter to my Future self. Dear Future me Don’t worry all things will happen if they are meant to. Stop comparing the past to the present. You left it behind for a reason, so go forward confidently into the future you are developing right now. Keep smiling… those small worries and concerns will only be forgotten in a year’s of time. Be thankful for those small blessing that grace your life each day. Even when it seems things are falling apart, it takes the destruction of all the old to build up to the new. Tell the people in your life that you love them. It does not matter how many people are in your life-love the ones you have. Be grateful they are placed in your atmosphere and seek out the knowledge and truths you are meant to learn from them… even if it is only to learn not to be like them. Invest in moments and memories, not things. It’s not wrong to have a nice house, a nice car, or nice clothes as ling as it is the memories made in hat house and trios taken in that car and where you went with those you love that you hold most dear. Above all, strive to just be yourself. Find out who you really are and be that person! Never stand on someone else’s ground to be who they are- build your own hill to stand on and look around at roots you have sown to be who you are. Love yourself now. Not for who you should be in ten years or ten pounds lighter. Not for the better job or better place you’ll be someday. Love you for who you are now, in each and every moment. And live with no regrets. Choices are yours. Sincerely, Future me

School Over Mental Health

I swear , the school system or whatever thinks that this is okay.

Our brains are sick, but that’s okay because our grades matter way more than our health anyways

Our mental health is more important than our grades. The school system and teachers needs to realize in order for us to be focus and have enough energy to go on about our day, us students and our health need to be good.

Your Mental is more important than your education. Better to have a degree of sanity than just a degree.

New Year New Chances

These past 2 years of my life has been hectic. Things happened. Life has changed, but new days come and new days go. We have to prepare ourselves for the worse and hope for the best. I took way too many leaps of faith since October of 2018. I had to destroyed my life and after that I had to understand and learn from what I had done. I realize that It will eventually get better maybe not now or tomorrow , it will take a while you just have to get over the hump of bad days, so you can fully understand what the good days really mean and what they represent.